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Thursday, February 04, 2010


I'm finally recovering my near-vision after visiting the optometrist. It's been nearly ten years since I last visited, shortly after getting LASIK in 2000, to check that, indeed, I had been given perfect vision by the power of Grayskull lasers and a tiny circular saw. More than perfect; I'd been living with such amazing eyesight for the last decade, I'd forgotten what it's like to be a flawed mere human, and the onset of a very slight myopia drove me to book an appointment.

During my visit, I was administered those annoying pupil dilation drops. It's been so long since I last had them; when I stumbled blindly out into the painful sunlight, I was suddenly shot backwards through time to 1997. I had volunteered to be a patient at the UNSW optometry school clinic. The student who examined my retinae was either incompetent or had a crush on me, because he took an incomprehensibly long time shining bright lights in my eyes. My cheeks were streaming with tears. I remember thinking he was cute, and wishing he would just ask me out and get it over with. Afterward, I walked across campus with one eye shut and the other squinted to a slit, and attempted a three-hour histology prac.

PRO TIP: do not attempt a three-hour histology prac when your chemically dilated pupils make you sensitive to bright light and unable to focus near-distance.

During the halftime break, I went outside and bummed a cigarette off some guy, Jason, who looked about as fed up with the class as I did. We chatted for a while. I think that was the first time I'd ever spoken to him properly.
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