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Thursday, April 03, 2008


And if that weren't all bad enough, my mother back home has lost her mind again. In the wrong season, too. Most strange. Most rare.

Mixed in with my dread of the inevitable crash is a measure of envy. Her insistent late-night/early-morning voicemail messages are quite mad, but at least she's having a good time, being in the grips of a full-blown joyous mania which is making her happier than any normal mortal can be without the assistance of methylenedioxymethamphetamine.

Here's a direct transcript of her most telling message to date, left at 5:52am on Tuesday. Her voice starts off loud and gets steadily louder. By the time the phone cuts out, she is screaming.

"Hello, Melissa. Hello, Melissa? Hey! I'm very happy. You know what I found out? Hey? Ah hahhhh! The America tried to kill the communism, and all the communism is the animals, you know? The monkey - you. And the lamb, Matt. And I am ... I am the mother of you, so I am monkey! Hahahah! And then, we join together, and kill the human beings! That's the American! Understand, Melissa?

"Melissa? Melissa? I love you! I love you, sweetheart! Listen to me! I want to tell the whole world that I LOVE YOU! NOBODY CAN TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME! OK, DARLING? LISTEN TO ME, I--"
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