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Friday, February 16, 2007

Honk! If You Love Fred Durst

Soon after I bought my charmingly cute and functional Hyundai Accent hatchback, I graced its behind with a cherished sticker, given to me by Anthony before I left Australia, which reads "Honk! If You Love Fred Durst."

I do not love Fred Durst. If you look closely at the sticker, you will notice that it also depicts a Jesus fish containing the letters "TISM." The sticker is a piece of promotional merchandise manufactured for an Australian band called This is Serious Mum, otherwise known as TISM. I rate TISM among my favorite bands in all the world. Their music ranges from electronic to rock, and their lyrics range from hilarious to angrily hilarious to thought-provokingly hilarious to quite poignant in a slightly hilarious way. In any case, there's always some kind of social or political commentary involved.

In 2001, TISM released an album called De RigueurMortis. The album contained a single called "Honk If You Love Fred Durst." Here are the lyrics:
God looked at the spreadsheets for Christianity.
"We need more than product placement on R&B CDs.
Youth masses ain't workin, cut the Pope's budget back.
Get the youth demographic thinkin' Jesus ain't wack."

Honk if you love, honk if you love,
Honk if you love Fred Durst, beep beep!

"We need a teenage pop diva, a virgin sex-kitten:
Carnal knowledge, innuendo, immaculate conception.
Start a shrinking-violet, bedroom-wannabe S Eleven.
Be bad, girls, be nasty, and you will get to heaven."

Jesus rocks tha' mic.

"For our next apostle, we need to go for cred.
Get a vegan greenie DJ with a shaven head.
He can rip off some old bluesman like a real techno vandal,
But tell everybody he's unfit to tie my sandals."

It's time for the Messiah of Hardcore Christian Inc.
Son, reverse your baseball cap, jerk your arms like Lancelot Link.
It's born-again, stone phat, bitch-ass, boy-fantasy religion.
Feed the holy moshpit Limp Bizkit communion.

Of course, Americans don't know who TISM is, and they certainly don't realize that my "Honk! If You Love Fred Durst" sticker is a reference to a song criticizing hypocritical marketable sanctimony in pop culture. I don't know what I was thinking putting that sticker on my car. Maybe I thought the Darwin fish next to it would somehow clue people in to the fact that I think Fred Durst is an utter douche.

The number of drivers who have honked at me because of that sticker in the last two years is depressing. People express their genuine love for Fred Durst with vigorous toots of their car horns and delighted waving at least once every two weeks.

Today, while stopped at a traffic light, I heard a honk behind me. I glanced in the rear-vision mirror to see a forty-ish couple in a minivan grinning at me through their windshield. The husband in the driver's seat pointed at his wife, who was flapping her hands and beaming. I saw him mouth the words, "She loves Fred Durst!" My eye caught sight of some writing on the front of the van.

It was a church vehicle.
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