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Sunday, October 29, 2006

Mormolyke's advice for children

Bliggetty blarg, I am getting sick. Hey, kids: even when you are an experienced adult drinker, remember not to drink when you're on antibiotics and anti-inflammatories! Even when you get the drinks for free!

I sold my violin on eBay for a little more than I paid for it. We're waiting for the money to clear into my bank account from Paypal. The wait is tinged with desperation. I have five dollars in cash. Every bank and credit account is in overdraft. Our cellphone service has been suspended. The game of financial catch-up is not over yet!

Having no money, yesterday I dressed Matt as Ming the Merciless for his Slow Andy gig at Murph's Other Bar. I was near hysterical with laughter, especially since the fake-fur beard I made for him resembled Brian's actual facial hair. We couldn't afford spirit gum. I was all ready to blow my $5 cash on some, but Matt counselled sense.

In the last few weeks, I have had some terrific Halloween costume brainwaves, but I lack the wherewithal or the balls to pull them off.
  1. When Jennie was heavily pregnant (SHE IS NO LONGER!!), I lobbied heavily for her and Sean (OMG CLICK FOR BABY PHOTO) to rent a donkey and go trick-or-treating as Joseph and Mary. The trick would be Mary goes into labor and Joseph freaks out and demands a room for the night. I can't actually imagine anything more awesome than this.
  2. Jesus would be a great choice, but no tongue-in-cheek zombie Jesus. I want to see gory Jesus as in The Passion of the Christ. I actually thought it would be nice to do this as a twosome and enter a Halloween parade with Jesus covered in blood dragging his cross and a Roman soldier behind him beating the crap out of him with a whip, a la A Clockwork Orange.
  3. Spread the insensitivity! If I weren't a snivelling coward, I would totally dress up as Mohammed for Halloween. Not just any Mohammed! Bomb head cartoon Mohammed! What a riot!
  4. Stephen Hawking! Come on, it would be awesome. You could carry around a computer or sampler with several phrases run through vocalization software such as "Trick or treat!" "We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star," and "I love to sex hot nurses."

Speaking of hilarious horror, check out this awesome e-mail I got the other day!
From: Holt Granger []
Sent: Monday, October 23, 2006 12:00 AM

wretched half-chink

Thanks, Holt!

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