There's so much going on both externally and internally that I don't know how to put it on a screen without resorting to cliches and cheese. So fuck it.
I feel terrible for Mum, who will be checking out of hospital finally this Friday - the day we fly back to the States. At least we spent some good quality time together on day leave. There are feelings of hope and tenderness there which I haven't felt in a long, long time. I just want her to be happy.
Visiting Dad's grave was not as gut-wrenching as I thought it might be. There's probably some residual anger in my grieving process - when I gave the monument masons the chosen picture of Dad to mount on his gravestone, and they told me it "wasn't very good," I came close to snapping, "Well, shit, I'm sorry we didn't think to organize a glamor photography session while he was DYING OF CANCER." I held my tongue.
I miss Lucy, Jason and Anthony with a keenness I haven't felt in a long time as well. I suppose that happens when you visit faraway loved ones. Bittersweetness and all that.
Anthony says he doesn't read my blog unless I mention him in every entry.
I'm currently staying in the home of my Greek father, John, his wife Prescilla, and my 13-year-old brother, Mihali. This is Matt's first encounter with this side of the family. Things are going well, but every day I feel completely exhausted, as though from some sort of subconscious emotional overload.
Today I went back to my old school, and was given a tour through the older buildings as well as the sparkling new facilities. Do other people find their schools have some sort of hold over them, or is it only because I went there for eleven years (and enjoyed it more than I probably should have)? From the moment I stepped onto the grounds, I started blushing uncontrollably. Spotted through classroom windows and rear doors were glimpses of many of my former teachers, ten years older, which seemed to make the blushing worse. It only subsided when I sat down for coffee with my viola teacher, Loreta, in the relatively new ($6 million) music school's staff room.
Somerville's school fees are now $10,000 per year.
My feet ache from ludicrous amounts of walking.