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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Here's another snippet from our Community Watch newsletter, the delightful publication which brought you news of the Riverside masturbator with excessive abdominal hair. The following is quoted verbatim.

SPRINGTIME WARNINGS

With spring in the air, we are giving our yearly advice in regard to protecting your personal property. This advice is definitely gears towards the new residents in Riverside. When you bring out your bikes in the next few weeks, do not never, ever leave it unlocked on your porch, patio, front yard or backyard.....not even for 3 minutes. That is all it takes for someone to take it. Do not leave your bike (locked) overnight on porches, unsecured (poor locks) or garages. The safest place is your house or in an updated, safely locked garage. Spring also brings the travelers, also known as gypsies. They travel in groups, case your home and your activities carefully, usually from an alley. One or two may approach your home-fast talking, they will manipulate you into letting them into your house, and then they will rob you. So if you see strangers coming to your door, don't answer the door-lock up!

Oh heavens, those crazy gypsies! If only the Nazis had exterminated them all. You go, Community Watch!

Here's the mystifying last paragraph (in its entirety) of the newsletter:

WHAT'S NEW?

The word "invasion" apparently is trying to replace the words "breaking and entering". The word "irresponsible" can become "fecklessness". A description of the Olympian ritual of the opening ceremonies refer to the delightful entertainment as the great leavener, "schlock" - schlock is not in my old Webster dictionary.

What?
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