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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Mum called at 8:00am and made me wake Matt and drag him out of bed so she could say "Happy Birthday." She also gave us some news. Dad is back in hospital. Meanshile, she's befriended her estranged family in Newcastle again; they visited her house in Sydney for a barbeque this weekend. One of the reasons she has invited them back into her life is so that they can attend the upcoming wedding. Mum is going to remarry Dad before he dies.

Yes, gentle reader, I shit you not. Let me give you the Cliff's Notes of the last five years or so in the Shong household. Bear in mind that in these last five years, my family has behaved no more oddly (indeed, they have probably been less odd) than I have known them to behave in the quarter-century I have been alive).
  • A few years ago, Mum and Dad divorced. Mainly this was so that they could collect better pensions, but it was also because they genuinely didn't like each other much. However, they couldn't function without each other, so despite being divorced, they lived in the same house, bickering constantly. Thus, life was no different from when they weren't divorced.

  • Along comes Trevor, Mum's schizophrenic boyfriend whom she met in a mental institution, and he moves in with them. Dad at first objects, but soon grows to like Trevor, and they all become great friends. Dad is still very uncomfortable with Trevor's status as Mum's boyfriend, however.

  • Dad discovers he has terminal prostate cancer.

  • Mum and Trevor fulfil Dad's dying wish by helping him go on a frantic European holiday. Wherever they go, they all stay in the same hotel room to save money. Mum and Dad pretend to be siblings to "avoid questions."

  • Mum and Trevor decide to get married. However, Dad's not best pleased about this.

  • Dad becomes extremely sick. Mum decides instead to remarry Dad to make him happy, then marry Trevor after Dad dies.

Yeah. That's my family.

I am the most normal person on earth. You hear me? The most normal person on the entire goddamn planet.
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