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Saturday, May 21, 2005

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: A SPECIAL LETTER FROM MUM-follow on
Date: Sat, 21 May 2005 12:18:35 +1000
From: Cindy Shong
I had just read your email-Thank you very much-I really enjoyed
the DVD you sent me.I want to watch it again but I will wait until
I cool down a bit.For "love" I am always very emotional.Maybe
its my parents who never loved me.Also I never went into a loving
marriage.and there is some difference between you and me.It seems
to me i always try to self sacrifice and let other people use me.The DVD
let me look into my roots. Was I doing the right thing all the way. But
I have already mould into what I am==It is too late!!!

I spent my teenage years hating my mother, like most teenaged girls, I suppose. After I moved out and was able to see her as a person rather than an off-kilter authority figure, the compassion kicked in, and now she is one of the people I admire most in the world, even though we rarely see eye to eye. There are so many things I wish I could make right for Mum - and other things I wish she could make right for herself. At the very least, one day, I'm going to immortalize her in a biography. She would like that very much, but it's difficult. I want to interview her about her life, find out everything there is to know before it's too late, but when she tries to talk about herself and what she's been through, she gets upset and doesn't sleep. If a movie can make her lose sleep for three days, imagine what reliving her life experiences would do. Going through the horror of the Cultural Revolution, the confusion of my conception, and the nightmare of manic depression is more challenging than any movie plot I know. I wish I could put her in a box to contain her emotions and let her talk and talk and tell me what she knows and what she feels. I wish I could give it back to her in written form, seen through the eyes of a daughter who has grown to love her, and let her read it without doing damage.

I need distance to love her, but I do love her.
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