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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My really good friend Zach, whose picture you can see below from the hookah lounge, was mugged and SHOT AT last weekend. Some fucking crackhead punched him three times in the face, took his wallet (with the princely sum of eighteen dollars inside), and then SHOT AT HIM before leaving.

I just can't understand people who advocate guns. I have never, never heard of anyone I know being shot at during a fucking mugging before. Sure, people I know have been mugged and beaten up on the streets of Sydney, but being fucking shot at adds a whole new dimension to the experience. Zach's on drugs to calm his nerves.

The best part of the story is that Zach lives across the road from Mayor Stephen Reed. When Reed heard the shots, he called 911 from the direct line he has next to his bed. The cops were at the scene before Zach had finished calling 911 himself, and they were super-helpful. Later, Mayor Reed came out to comfort Zach and assure him that if the mugger returned, the mayor was "packing heat." Needless to say, Zach will be voting for Reed in the upcoming mayoral election.

Apparently, percentage-wise, the violent crime in Harrisburg is higher than in Baltimore or Philadelphia at the moment. Hey, does that sound like a great reason to move or what!? That's what I love about real cities. They may be filthy and crime-ridden, but at least they're honest. Harrisburg is clean and sleepy and beautiful, and underneath the surface there are thousands of inbred redneck racists and crackheads with guns.
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