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Sunday, March 27, 2005

I tried very, very hard not to laugh, but I couldn't help myself.

What would you do if there were an ice age?

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, no I haven't seen The Day After Tomorrow, nor do I intend to see it. (Although I like the look of the special effects, it looks like a righteous piece of crap movie). I've been idly wondering what I would do if there were an ice age for years. The whole idea of an ice age is entirely too fascinating to me. I think I'd be quite pleased if one came on suddenly a few months before I died of old age, just so I could see it. I remember looking at artists' impressions of ice-age humans hunting woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers when I was a kid, but the realization that the world was once completely climatically different during the age of humankind - and that the phenomenon is cyclical - didn't hit me until much later.

So what if there were a sudden-onset ice age? What would you do?

I posed the question to Dave here at work a little while ago. He at first suggested surviving on Twinkies and moving south. After a little brainstorming, this evolved into a more detailed plan: buy a house in Florida, hollow out the basement, and build a bunker. Then fill the bunker with Twinkies. When the glacialization starts, buy a lot of guns, steal some chickens and a cow from a nearby Pennsylvanian farm, throw the chickens and the guns into a handy Amish tote-basket, and ride the cow down to the pre-prepared bunker (It's not as though glaciers move all that quickly. A cow could easily outrun a creeping glacier.) Once in Florida, stave off hordes of starving senior citizens with your weapons arsenal, and stave off scurvy with plentiful and juicy Florida oranges.

I think I'd just head back to Australia. Australia is a pretty safe bet when it comes to ice ages.

If I were stuck here, though, I would campaign for the reintroduction of woolly mammoths. We'd need woolly mammoths to really do an ice-age properly. I wish someone unbelievably rich would devote all their financial energy to some woolly mammoth re-creation project. There's perfectly preserved flesh available, isn't there? When I was young, I heard stories of a Russian restaurant serving obscenely rich patrons 15,000-year-old woolly mammoth flesh. (Are those stories true, I wonder?) We could combine the mammoth DNA with elephant DNA and use an elephant womb for the gestation. It would be even better if the recombination resulted in some sort of super-intelligent mutant animal with lasers coming out of its trunk.

I think I'm going to take a 6-week summer class at HACC in black and white photography. The last time I took any kind of art class, I was twelve years old. But I'm female, a college student, and a Nine Inch Nails fan, so I feel obligated to at least get one photography class under my belt and complete the cliche. I'll have to talk to Gamut first, though, in case it clashes with when exactly they want me to start fulltime hours.

Why am I typing this ridiculously long stream-of-consciousness blog entry? I had four assignments to complete this spring break. I have done half of one. In my defense, The Glass Menagerie opened, and it took me a while to get over the sleep deprivation last weekend. I'm starting to think I should just resign myself to getting B's. It's not really that big a deal, and I'll most likely get into West Chester anyway - it's not as though I need a 4.0 GPA to qualify for a B.M.

My Henry V assignment is due tomorrow, and although it isn't the easiest topic to spin into three pages, I'm thankful for it. I read the question sheet for the first time yesterday (I. AM. SLACK.) and discovered that one of the three questions is basically a character analysis of Montjoy! How handy that I have been cast as Montjoy. I wish the assignment were due after the Shakespeare Festival - it would be so much easier that way around - but I guess it will help with my characterization.

However, the question was lifted wholesale from PBS.org and didn't even bother to change the wording so it said "play" rather than "film." I can't imagine she meant for the assignment to relate to the film rather than the text of the play. I guess I'll spend my first paragraph clarifying that.)
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