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Sunday, June 20, 2004

I'm obviously entering some sort of new quarter-life crisis. By my count, since I've been experiencing one of these crises every year since just before I turned 20, this is my fourth.

For the last couple of days certain people in the Gamut theater company have been telling me that I ought to audition for their fall production of The Tempest. Telling me in a really suggestive way. In a way that makes me really want to do it.

The problem here is that I promised Matt and myself that I wouldn't do another play this year, in order that we might spend more time together. Even apart from this, since I am going back to college, I simply don't have time to do a play as well as attend school and work full time.

Of course, the next thought in my head was, "Well, why not quit the full-time job?"

I'm still reeling from the consequences of this thought. Terrifying.

Effectively, I am once again having my recurring internal debate about security versus dreams. Do I want to play it safe and continue earning $24K in a glorified office job at a TV station, or do I want to live on the edge doing the things I really want to do? This question comes up in my life again and again and again. I wrestled with it before I quit medicine. I wrestled with it before I gave into love two years ago. It's back for a rematch.

Part of me thinks I am too young to be thinking about settling down. Part of me knows that I'll regret not giving these dreams a shot. Part of me knows that I've survived on less money in the past.

Part of me points out that I just bought a new car, and I'm possibly insane.


Full-time job plus college
Pros: Earning lots of money, will be incredibly comfortable at age 30, will be working towards better position at WITF
Cons: Will probably see Matt even less than I do now, not much time to study and attend classes

Theater plus college
Pros: Dream-chasing = happiness, more time to study and see Matt, able to take classes during the day, able to do more stuff in the area of music, able to ask Gary if he wants me to work part-time as IT person for Theater of the Seventh Sister and help with Harman stuff, earning some money at least.
Cons: Poverty, have to ask Mum for help, losing possibly fruitful job at WITF

I don't know what to do.
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